When we are small our parents are the ‘god’s of our universe’. They provide us with all the means for our physical survival. They set up the rules we are to behave by and they administer whatever punishment is deemed appropriate in the home. We then go to school and teachers take on a further authority figure role, then lecturers, guards, doctors, bankers, religious leaders and finally bosses.
If we have good loving relations, clear well defined boundaries and fair treatment in our home and other institutions we tend to grow into adults in our own right and come through the stages of development with little issues around authority figures.
If we are unfairly treated, ‘put in our box’, ‘made to feel small’ or otherwise conditioned to be fearful around authority figures we can revert back to feeling and thinking like a frightened child around them even though we have aged into adulthood.
Here is a process that can be used to correct our perspectives when meeting with bosses and authority figures. When you approach these encounters thinking and feeling like an equal adult, who is of equal value with an agenda that is based on the greatest good of all (win-win) then you will not feel intimidated.
It is the perspective that you are small (powerless, at the mercy of, dependent on) and they are big (powerful, in control, controlling) that is generating the feelings of intimidation. You are no longer a child and are equal to all people. They have a role to play and you have a contract to fulfil – yet they are just roles – your roles and responsibilities are different but you are equal adult human beings.
1) Think of the situation / meeting with a boss which you are fearful of.
a. How do you picture it? Is it in full colour, movie like, with sound? Is it something you watch or are part of?
b. What kind of emotions or sensations come up?
Take note of this.
2) Become the ‘boss’, imagine stepping into their body and experience what it is like as the boss. What is that like? How does it feel? Take note of this.
3) Imagine seeing the scene as an observer: watch the two of you interact. Make sure to be at eye level and the same distance from ‘you’ in the scene and the ‘boss’. Hear your ‘you’ voice as your normal voice (not a child’s voice), hear the bosses voice as their real voice (not a parental voice), feel resourceful (leave all the intimidated feelings with the ‘you’ in the scene). What is this like? Make sure to see the situation from the outside and not be drawn into it. Take note of this.
4) Go back into the scene as yourself. See the boss out in front of you. Hear their voice coming from their mouth. Hear your voice coming from your throat area. How do you feel now?
Another thing you can do is process out/release the strong emotions:
Feel the unfair feelings you have around your boss and the adversarial vibes and ask yourself these questions over and over until you feel freer and got less emotion (note you do not have to get an answer – asking the questions will start to dissipate the feelings):
1) This feeling of upset (or anger or whatever) I welcome as best I can
2) I’m willing to experience and feel the feeling. It’s safe to do so.
3) It’s just a feeling, coming from me believing I am small relative to this person and it’s only energy.
4) I‘m willing to release it even though I think my point of view is ‘right’ (I don’t need to feel bad to take positive action)
5) Can I let it go
6) Will I let it go
7) And when